


Coping Mechanisms for the Criminally Insane and/or Mad

by FantasyChild9



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Coping, Coping Mechanisms, Depression, Friendship, Here's to a positive 2018, I'm putting way too much thought into these tags, Mental Health Issues, Positive Mental Attitude
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-21
Packaged: 2019-03-08 00:44:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13446894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FantasyChild9/pseuds/FantasyChild9
Summary: Dan's having another one of those days and begins to feel rather helpless about it when Phil decides to try something to help him.A collection of scenarios in which Dan (with the help of a list) tries to overcome the darkness in his brain.





	Coping Mechanisms for the Criminally Insane and/or Mad

**Author's Note:**

> *Not beta read

Phil checked the time for what had to be the hundredth time that day. It was currently 2 in the afternoon, and still, Dan hadn’t emerged. Worry had begun to etch its way into Phil’s mind, and so, deciding enough of the day had passed, he made his way into the dark cave that was Dan’s room. The two had a silent promise ever since one really bad day that Phil didn’t like to think about, said promise being that if either of them were still in bed by late afternoon, the other would force them out.

Of course, usually in Dan’s case, it wasn’t that simple.

Phil tentatively knocked on the closed door that acted as a barrier between him and his best friend, waiting a painfully long minute for an answer that never came. His hand reached for the doorknob, twisting it open and pushing it open to see just what he’d expected.

Dan was laying in his pyjamas on the floor beside his bed, eyes staring at the ceiling. Hesitantly Phil walked to the other, shuffling around the mess of clothes and miscellaneous crap to create a clear space on the floor before taking a seat next. It didn’t seem like Dan was in any hurry to acknowledge the situation, so Phil decided to take the first step.

‘Good afternoon,’ he spoke into the deafening silence, voice gentle as to ease its way into Dan’s brain.

Phil was met with a sigh, one that told him what he already knew; it was just one of those days.

He found himself lying down next to Dan, pressing his arm against him, giving him something to touch, something to ground himself with. It seemed to work, as Dan began to slowly run his fingers over the exposed pale skin before resting his hand in Phil’s. The latter took the opportunity to interlace their fingers as a gentle reminder that he was there, he would _always_ be there, right by Dan’s side.

They stayed like that for a while, taking time to just drink up each other's presence.

‘You don’t have to be here,’ Dan mumbled into the air.

It plucked Phil’s heartstrings, the sound of Dan’s broken voice, the way everything about him just seemed to tremble. He turned to face those unmoving brown eyes. ‘Neither do you.’

Dan slowly nodded, finally turning towards Phil, eyes trained down as though trying to avoid eye contact.

‘Is there anything you want to talk about?’ Phil prodded, trying to make sense of what could have triggered this. Perhaps he was having a creative crisis, or maybe he got too few hours of sleep last night.

Dan shook his head, chewing his lip. He didn’t think there was anything that had happened. He racked his brain, looking for some kind of answer, a clue perhaps, but came across nothing. It was just a day that couldn’t be helped, a day that way bound to happen over and over again over the course of his lifetime, and there’d be nothing he could do to stop it.

Phil watched Dan’s facial expression carefully, seeing the hints that his brain was on a dangerous tangent. ‘What’cha thinking about?’

‘Nothing,’ Dan blurted out, gripping onto Phil’s hand tighter. Before he began to poke holes in Dan’s statement, the other quickly continued. ‘If nothing’s the cause, then what’s the solution?’

There was another silence that hung in the air before an idea popped into Phil’s head. ‘Come with me, yeah?’ he said before getting up to his feet. He offered a hand to Dan, who took a moment to accept it. Phil brought the two of them to the living room, gesturing for Dan to take a seat before leaving the room again.

Dan sat, confused, as he curled up on the lounge, just managing to find the energy to take one of the two fuzzy blankets that took up residence on the couch and wrapping it around himself. He wondered what Phil was up to, but tried not to dwell on it for very long, deciding that he must have work to do or something. But Phil never left him when he knew Dan was like this. As selfish as it was, Dan just wanted Phil to walk right back into the room and just… keep him company.

Seconds later, Phil did enter the room, this time holding a piece of paper and a sharpie. He sat the two on the coffee table in front of Dan, a reassuring smile plastered on his face, and sat down next to the other.

Dan stared at the two items sat before him, then at Phil, expecting some explanation. ‘What’s this?’ he asked, growing impatient.

‘You said there’s nothing you could do, right?’

Dan’s gaze dropped as curled in on himself further. ‘More implied than anything..’

‘Well, in any case, I disagree,’ Phil continued, eyes bright despite the dark cloud that was Dan. ‘You tell me all the time, Dan. You tell me about all these things you enjoy, and things you’ve discussed with your therapist that you’ve found helps.’

Dan tried to think past all the mush in his head, looking for anything that he could possibly offer as some kind of input into the conversation, but yet again found nothing, so instead gave a slight nod and waited for Phil to finish his explanation.

‘But when you’re… having a low mood…’ Phil said carefully, unsure of what to say in case he sent Dan further into the rabbit hole, ‘you forget these things, and it gets harder to get out. Or, that’s what you told me.’

There was a moment of silence between the two as Phil considered what to say next and Dan tried to make sense of what Phil had already said and its relation to the blank sheet of paper. ‘So, I thought we could write down a list of those little things that help to make it easier to remember.’

Dan thought about Phil’s little speech. Deep down, somewhere, he knew it was a great idea, and he was so thankful Phil was his best friend. But that was too deep down to see clearly, and Dan felt something akin to exhaustion and stress the longer he thought about writing something as simple as a list. He looked over at Phil, who was looking back at him with hope and patience in his eyes. Of course Dan always had to disappoint Phil. He always did. He was so useless, and Phil was always so wonderful about it and-

‘It’s your choice,’ Phil added, seeing the distress in Dan’s eyes. ‘I just thought it’d be something we could try. You don’t have to, though.’

Dan nodded, looking down at the sharpie, contemplating Phil’s words. _We_. As in, he _and Phil_. Everything just seemed to be better when he was with Phil. Somehow Phil almost always managed to turn around a bad situation. Phil would make sure nothing happened to Dan, even if Dan was only writing a list. Just knowing this was enough to give Dan courage to pick up the sharpie.

Phil squeezed Dan’s shoulder, telling him that he was going to go make the two of them lunch.

Phil took the leftover mango chicken and rice from last night out of the fridge, plating it up into two bowls and heating them up in the microwave. He really hoped Dan could use this list to his advantage. Too many times had he done nothing but sit and watch as Dan wasted days away, occasionally having to force him to drink water. Last time Dan’s mood was like this Phil had done some research on anything he could do to help and came across the idea for this list. Why didn’t think of it until now, he didn’t know.

At first, he was sceptical of whether or not Dan would go along with the idea, especially one considers the lack of ability and function when in a state so horrible, but Phil was glad. Relieved, even. It meant Dan was really trying, and Phil couldn’t be more proud of him, of seeing how much he’s grown. He brought the two bowl into the living room, setting them both on the coffee table. He caught a glimpse of the paper and saw that there as already something written on it. He read over Dan’s shoulder. ‘Coping mechanisms for the criminally insane and/or mad…’

Dan sighed, staring at the bowl. ‘I… It’s a joke,’ he clarified. ‘I, um, don’t really… know what to write…’ He let his voice trail off, embarrassed at his lack of ability to do this one simple task.

‘That’s okay.’ Phil reassured, taking his bowl and beginning to eat his chicken. ‘Maybe we could do a bit of a brainstorm? Or if it’s easier we can write some unhealthy behaviours first?’

He watched as Dan nodded, staring ahead at the coffee table, unmoving.

‘For instance…’ Phil said, shuffling closer to Dan. ‘In this situation, what would be the unhealthy thing to do?’

Dan took a few deep breaths, trying to collect his thoughts together before he started to ramble on about some nonsense in an attempt to avoid what he knew Phil was referring to. ‘Not eating the, um. The thing.’

Phil gave him an encouraging smile. ‘And what would the healthy thing be?’ he gently pushed.

Just the thought of saying the words made the brunette feel sick to his stomach, but Phil was here, and as he’d learnt over the years Phil wouldn’t ever advise him to do something if it would be unhealthy to Dan in any way. So slowly, with shaky hands, Dan reached forward and took the bowl that was set out for him. He was grateful to see it was mostly rice and began to pick at the small meal, slowly working himself to eat it.

Phil couldn’t help but smile at the small victory. He had a feeling this year would be a good year for Dan.

As the two ate, Phil had put on Your Lie in April, choosing the English dub to make it easier to watch (Dan had previously told him putting on shows in English helped him to ground himself). Dan found himself beginning to relax, enough so that he allowed himself to carefully think about the list. What could he put on it? Slowly and patiently he sorted through thoughts consisting of things he personally enjoyed and more general ideas. The soundtrack from the show seemed to dance around in his mind, and his fingers were suddenly itching to play the song that was currently on. It was a really pretty piece, one that he couldn’t help but be proud of himself for learning it.

Phil caught Dan’s movements in the corner of his eye. Chewing on a piece of chicken, he redirected his gaze from the TV to the brunette, who picked up the Sharpie and scrawled something on the list.

‘Play Piano’ it read.

They continued to watch the episode, then the next one, and the one after that. Phil had already returned both their empty bowls to the kitchen counter and came back holding two glasses of water. By the time they’d finished the three episodes, Dan had managed to put together a small list. Reading over it sent a feeling of pride throughout him, originating from somewhere deep. He knew the list wouldn’t miraculously fix everything, but knowing he could stand up against the hole in his brain made him feel… something. He didn’t know what that something was, but he needed more of it.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by my recent epiphany that if I want to get better at handling my 'low moods' as I like to call them and work towards my goals, I'm the one that has to make the choice to put in the effort. This is kind of a collection of scenarios in which Dan tries out different ways to pull himself out of his 'low moods'. If anyone has any suggestions of what you do to cope, or if you caught any grammar/spelling mistakes, don't hesitate to tell me.
> 
> Until Next Time!


End file.
